an UPdate.

Through the pre-production of this film I have come to realise quite a few things about myself & my peers, as well as film-making as a whole.
Surprisingly they are not just the things you expect to learn, such as how to use a camera or what bounce boards are (although these are very valuable lessons in themselves).
This abridged quote, from Ira Glass, and the video it comes from, really speaks to me at the moment. For those of you who don't know, Glass is the presenter of This American Life, a radio program with an audience of over 1.7 million, broadcast on over 500 radio stations (we even listened to it in class last year). He is a big deal, a successful radio personality - someone inspirational, and so his words have a profound impact.

Nobody tells this to people who are beginners, I wish someone told me. All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it's just not that good. It's trying to be good, it has potential, but it's not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase, they quit.

I think this links in to what Paul has been telling us, about our expectations, but this puts another twist on it by saying that it is OKAY for us to have these expectations, to want to create amazing things, and to be unsatisfied with poor quality work that we produce, because we have this taste.

I've been thinking about this ever since someone pointed out on Facebook that the short film is only worth 40% of our mark (half of which is self assessed) and yet I'm dedicating more time and energy to this project than any other subject (and also to my blog! which is worth more, really.)

Also, it's been something I've been really stressed about, to the point of panic, procrastination and the incapability for coherent thought. I realise though that this comes from a deep-seated fear of failure, and this is something that most of us share. We want something that we can not only be proud of and show off, but fulfills our own expectations and satisfies our own wishes and desires.

This is only my first film. I want it to be the first of many projects, instead of giving up.

Also, in terms of university - yes, I am finding it difficult. I am poor. I am very pressed for time. But if I look at myself and the life I lead, it's easy to see how much money and time I actually waste: I went to Groovin the Moo yesterday which not only cost around $135 for the ticket but required us to stay overnight in the city so we could catch the 7.15 train on Saturday morning (as we otherwise wouldn't have gotten to Southern Cross on time, from Frankston) and also recklessly spent money on overpriced junk food and alcohol. I didn't need to do this, but I did. Yes, I wanted to see the Wombats (who were amazing!) and the festival was a good chance to see a lot of bands together, like Washington, Architecture In Helsinki and Gotye, but it wasn't necessary to my life.

I know I'm only nineteen, and there is this constant thought that if I don't live my life now, while i'm 'young', then I will somehow miss out and have to grow up and be forever unfulfilled. However, I need to have priorities and make sacrifices. Sure, it's good to have some sort of a life and see friends (who all complain that I never have time to see them, anyway), but I need to be doing things for me and making choices for me, and spending more time on things that I can be proud of. (Also, getting healthier would be good, because I feel pretty awful today.)

Thank you, Ira Glass. And in terms of our lives? Well, "if this is a rom-com, then kill the director".

Peace.